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Where are you when I need you John Quinones?!
Author: Gigi05.05.2011
Bombshells….my darlings….the women I love SO much…let’s talk.
So I am in Macy’s last week trying on some VERY fabulous summer dresses~ (run, don’t walk to your nearest store~ so many of the dresses are perfect for YOUR body type this year!!) Fashion is for another day dear Bombshell….I want and NEED to be serious for today.
I am condensing the story so that I don’t write an entire book for a blog post (but I am highly considering writing a book about this very topic!!) So back to Macy’s…I am in the dressing room and hear two people walk in to the otherwise empty dressing rooms. One of them is saying to the other one “Well don’t you think this will make me look fat?!! I don’t think this will look good with my big butt!!” to which the reply was “No it won’t make you look fat.” I could tell the second voice was a younger voice, like perhaps the little sister of the first gal. The older one continues: “My body is shaped so weird, nothing looks good on it. I can’t believe I am supposed to wear this stuff with this fat stomach!!” Silence from the younger gal. Older gal as she continues trying on clothes: “Well I don’t know why you picked these clothes for me, they look awful. I should just forget trying to look nice.” Younger one: “What do you mean? You do look nice.” Older: “No I don’t. I am changing and we are getting out of here. This was a stupid idea!!” Silence. I felt so very very sad. From the conversation I could tell the younger one was a LITTLE girl and I guessed her to be about 7 or 8 from the sound of her sweet voice. I figured the older one was a sister or babysitter and I just felt so sorry for the littlest girl that had no words for this condemnation-fest. As I sat there I tried to figure out a nice way to tell the older sister to please stop talking about her body like that to this baby girl because I could tell it felt awful to her and confusing as well.
As I pray for the right words to say to stop this self-hating madness, I open my dressing room door. Standing in front of the 3-way mirror was a 30 year old woman AND HER VERY YOUNG DAUGHTER. YES. This conversation was between MOTHER AND DAUGHTER. I audibly gasped. The young woman said to me, “Are you alright?” I said yes…and then I asked “Is this your daughter?” and her reply was “yes.” I asked, “How old is she?” And the young Mother said “Seven.” It was all I could do not to cry right then and there. I looked around to see if John Quinones was coming around the corner with the cameras to say they were actors…but he wasn’t there. No acting here. I said to her, “I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation….please may I just say something?” She said, “Uh, okay.” My response: “You are your daughter’s hero and she looks up to you. She gets her self esteem about her body from what you think and say about YOUR body.” The Mother quickly discounted my comment and replied, “I always ask her about fashion and how I look. She has good taste!” I almost threw up. Not sure what memo this Mother got that told her that her 7 year old was in charge of providing any fashion service for her….a 7 year old should be concentrating on being seven, not heading up Mommy’s fan club so Mommy feels good about herself!! I bit my tongue because the little girl was standing there. What could I say to this young Mother that would get through to her? Before I could say another word the Mother said “I am trying not to take this the wrong way!!” And that was it. I said to her “You take me any way you need to take me to hear the seriousness of my plea to you!” She looked at me funny and I continued. “This is a very serious matter that you may not fully understand until she gets older. I am telling you that this is a burden much too heavy for a child to bear to listen to her hero talk about herself like that. I am asking you to think about it and please stop doing this to her and to yourself. It was heartbreaking to hear and I know it isn’t easy for her either. Food for thought my dear.” With that, the young Mother said “Thank you” and brushed past me very quickly. I could tell I hit a nerve with her.
Did I hit a nerve with YOU dear Bombshell? Are you unhealthily confiding your body insecurities with your daughters? Did your Mother unknowingly do that with you? EVERY woman has something about her body that doesn’t suit her. It doesn’t mean that you can’t love it anyway. Are you loving yourself enough so that your daughters learn to love themselves? THAT my darling, is the best Mother’s Day gift you could ever receive. XOXO Gigi Belmonico
May 5th, 2011 at 3:09 pm
You did a great and courageous thing by speaking up to her Gigi!
I’m sure she will think twice, or three times before EVER putting that burden on her baby again.
Yes, you hit a nerve with me as well.
XOXO ~ L
May 5th, 2011 at 4:26 pm
Lori THANK YOU Bombshell!! Oh my goodness we have all been given unhealthy messages about our bodies to some degree haven’t we? Part of my mission is to stop the negative self talk…we have so many more awesome things to do with our lives and our legacies!! XOXOGigi
May 5th, 2011 at 5:37 pm
You’re MY hero today, Gigi!
May 5th, 2011 at 7:16 pm
Bravo, Gigi! I’m so glad you said something. That took cajones of steel! As awesome as my mother was, I was filled with some VERY unhealthy messages about her body, my body and eating…you really don’t even want examples. It’s a miracle I didn’t develop an eating disorder & now I am committed to NEVER making my children feel that way.
May 5th, 2011 at 7:32 pm
Thank you Becky you Bombshell you!!XOXOGigi
May 5th, 2011 at 7:34 pm
Leah thank you Bombshell!! When I wrote that I almost threw up, I literally almost threw up…I HAD to say something. There was just too much at stake!! It is a miracle that any of us got out without even more body issues than we have isn’t it? It was like I had to protect that little girl from any more harm because at one time I WAS that little girl. Thank you for your post and thank you for making the world a better place!! XOXOGigi
May 6th, 2011 at 3:57 am
OMG! I’m appaled….:( Kudos to you for speaking up for that little girl. ? Unfortunately so many people are affectively immature and they children pay for the parents’insecurities.
((
If it was not of you, I wouldn’t believe what I’ve just read… (sigh)
I Always tell my girls how beautiful and smart and gifted they are, and, since kids only believe what they can see, I always thought one of the first duties of a mother was to feel good about herself. Kids copy us and we must be very careful as to what we project onto them.
May 6th, 2011 at 7:04 am
Gigi,
Wow! That was so brave but I am so proud of you! You are right! It’s not just mothers who do that but fathers, brothers, husbands and boyfriends as well. I was married to a man for 11 years who told me on a regular basis that I was fat and ugly and the only reason he married me was because he felt sorry for me. Still, this day, my self-esteem about my body is broken even though I am working on mending it. Thank you for telling that mother how you feel, because there are many who wouldn’t have had the courage. You are truly a bombshell Gigi. xoxo!!
May 6th, 2011 at 7:18 am
Omg, you did the right thing! And not only were you courageous enough to speak out, but you were very careful of how you approached her with her daughter.
And as for the self-deprecating talk in front of children,
. I hope my kids never take from my words a lack of confidence and a ‘not good enough’ attitude. Even when the talk around our home is about losing weight, and diets, my husband and I are careful to point out that we are not eating healthy or feeling healthy and we need to change what we put in our bodies to fix it. We don’t focus on negative appearance, that essentially is a by-product of an unhealthy lifestyle…. We focus on eating healthy and living healthy… And taking care of yourself will always make you beautiful.. Glowing skin, shiny hair, HUGE muscles. Hopefully, they will come away with a COMPLETE view of beauty 
May 6th, 2011 at 10:32 am
Dot thank you Bombshell!! You are SO right…as Mothers, it is vitally important that we feel good about ourselves…and if there is something we don’t find fabulous about our bodies, we ignore it and concentrate on the fabulosity!! I appreciate you my dear!! XOXOGigi
May 6th, 2011 at 10:36 am
Angi thank you for sharing dear Bombshell!! You spoke about your abuse for MANY women that cannot…THANK YOU. You are a very brave Bombshell indeed!! You are doing such an amazing job of rebuilding your self-love and I promise you that when you get through all of that it will NEVER leave you. You are a beautiful gift to the world my dear!! XOXOGigi
May 6th, 2011 at 3:27 pm
GiGi, I am so prouid of u for taking a stance & speaking up to this woman.. I would have done exactly the same thing.. The mother may have been incensed or taken back, for another sharing their thoughts, but guess what? down the road she will be thankful as for what you expressed & just maybe by what you did will make her change for the better. After all, it takes only one peron to make a difference in another’s life.. xoxo
May 6th, 2011 at 3:37 pm
Marianne thank you Bombshell!! Oh my darling it took LOTS of Bombshell restraint…the actual conversation between the two went on for 7 minutes…I condensed it for the blog…it was SO disheartening!! Thank you for writing my dear…you rock Bombshell!!XOXOGigi
May 6th, 2011 at 3:55 pm
Thank you Stac you Bombshell you!! The Mother was very taken aback…just goes to show that this conversation is a regular occurence in their household!! I hope she never forgets what I said to her. That sweet little girl looked so weary!! A grown-up would be exhausted being around a woman with so little self worth talking like that. Very sad. Thank you for your input Bombshell!! XOXOGigi
May 7th, 2011 at 10:37 am
Awesome! And good for you for the intervention! I wish as women we could just get over the pressures of trying to fit an unattainable ideal and accept ourselves as we are. God does not make anything less than wonderful! As adults we need to also be aware how much young people learn from our behaviors. Have a blessed day!
May 7th, 2011 at 7:48 pm
Great Article GiGi . Growing up My Daughter Always Felt Conscious About her Body Image . I Always Think Girls Get The Wrong Message With the Media Making These Models As How A Woman Should Look . Twigs I Say ! So Unhealthy . School also Can Be Hard . Teasing And Comparing What Someone looks like . I Never Made her feel Like She was Less Than . I Told her She Was Beautiful Inside And Out. That We All Come in Different Shapes And Sizes And She Was Perfect Just the Way She Is ” Beautiful ” ! So It Is Up to Us Mothers To Set the Bar Up What Is Beautiful ? Showing By Example Is Much More Effective As you Say Our Daughters Look Up To Us . And If I’m Not Liking Myself I’m Mirroring It Back To Her ? Donna Genovese The Innerchild Healer ~
May 7th, 2011 at 8:05 pm
Gigi thank you for your input Bombshell!! You are SO right…as adults we DO need to be cognizant that our young ones are hanging onto every word for sure!! As far as this young Mother…she did fit the “ideal”…this was just another woman lost in self-hatred…so sad!! Thank you again Bombshell!! XOXOGigi
May 7th, 2011 at 8:10 pm
Thank you Donna you Bombshell you!! YES…you are wonderful to show your daughter how lovely she is just the way she is and give her that inner strength!! What a wonderful Mother you are…thank you!! Showing by example is the BEST way to teachour daughters to love themselves…well said Bombshell!! XOXOGigi
May 8th, 2011 at 10:21 pm
OMG, I got tears in my eyes when I read this. I’m so glad you spoke up!! I am so not happy with my body right now but I try VERY hard not say anything and certainly not to my daughter. And I’m always trying to reassure her about her body especially since she is a teen and going through changes beyond her control. Thanks Gigi!!!
May 12th, 2011 at 8:35 pm
Lara thank you Bombshell!! Oh my darling so many can relate to the body issue thing…I’ve been working with women for 26 years (since I was 5!heehee) and I can tell you without hesitation that 100% of women have body issues….even the “perfect looking” ones. Thank you for being the kind of Mother that protects her daughter from her own body issues!! I appreciate your input my dear!! XOXOGigi
June 6th, 2011 at 12:10 am
Bombshell…we should talk about you getting all these stories into an e-book. They are valuable lessons for women.