The Bombshell Factor™

Hello Bombshells!!
I love Fall!! The leaves are changing~ I so enjoy the changing of the seasons especially this year.
Let’s get right to it my darlings…do you feel like you are crazy sometimes? Does it seem like you are in an amazing relationship one minute and Psychoville the next? Do you ever feel jealous of your fellow Bombshells because you think their relationship just seems so much more “normal” than yours? Well, sit down, breathe a few cleansing breaths, and let’s talk. I have a couple of people that I would like for you to meet.
Meet Pattie. She is an amazing Bombshell with a heart full of love. She works as an interior designer and is basically a very happy Bombshell. She is crazy about a guy that she met years ago. He (let’s call him Paul) swept her off her feet with his words of love and adoration and she fell for him in a big way. He often mentioned marriage, and she knew at some point she would love to settle down and have a family. His quiet demeanor and great qualities drew her in and she loved spending time with him. Until it went south…until she felt like she was crazy sometimes. But now she was in love and in deep. Let’s see if you and Pattie have any of these things in common and we’ll see if we can get this figured out.
1. Although they can have a great time together, Paul sometimes seems aloof with Pattie. Simple questions like “how was your day?” are met with vague non-answers. She has no idea why. He was just on the phone laughing with his brother and now seems so distant.
2. Paul doesn’t often tell Pattie that she is beautiful. (She is.) He is certain to be Mr. Charming at work however, and the gals at the office think he is always so attentive. “Lucky Pattie!” they say!!
3. It is sometimes quite obvious that Paul is checking his email while on the phone with her. When she says she is ready to hang up and go do something fun, Paul wants to stay on the phone and is irritated that Pattie doesn’t want to be on the phone with him.
4. If given the choice between doing something that would make Pattie feel loved or having his co-workers think he is Mr. Wonderful, he goes with the latter most every time. It is very important for Paul to have the admiration of the women in his office, even though he is physically faithful.
5. When Pattie gets frustrated with Paul because she feels like something is “off kilter” and she voices a feeling about that, instead of opening up and working through the issue, Paul immediately shuts down and pouts. For days. But when the phone rings and the neighbor needs help with moving a piece of furniture, Paul hurries over with a great big grin on his face as if nothing ever happened. “Paul is so amazing!!” say his neighbors.
6. When Pattie wants to connect on a physical level, especially after a day or night of connection, Paul falls asleep and leaves Pattie longing for intimacy. She has no recollection of anything from the day that should have triggered anger at her…as a matter of fact he even mentioned earlier in the day how he was looking forward to being alone with her.
7. Pattie told Paul about an upcoming housewarming party for Saturday night. When Saturday morning rolled around, Paul loaded up his fishing gear for a weekend with the boys. When Pattie reminded him about the party, he hugged her and kissed her and charmingly told her that he forgot. When she got frustrated and told him it was important to her, he pouted and drove off to to the lake. When he got there, he told his buddies how Pattie never lets him have any fun. “Poor Paul!!” say his buddies.
8. When Pattie gets to her wits end and says this isn’t working for her, Paul cries and begs for forgiveness and says he’ll change. And then he goes back to the newspaper.
9. Paul deeply loves Pattie, but when they start feeling close and it looks like it just might work after all, he shuts down. And then when Pattie has to go on an out of town business trip for a night, he calls a married girl-friend from his prior job. Although Paul feels nothing romantically for her, he makes sure she feels special…after all, Paul IS Mr. Nice Guy. Paul accidentally mentions to Pattie that he spoke to the old friend…he prefers to keep his women friendships a secret because it helps him feel in control of his destiny. When he sees the light leave Pattie’s eyes, he feels weird that he just spent time entertaining someone that in actuality means so little to him and is way below Pattie in looks and intelligence while the girl he loves longs for his connection. So he drinks a 6-pack a little earlier that night to keep the hunger and longings of his soul at bay.

Whew. Deep breath here my darlings. Do you see some of this chaos in your relationship? There is a name for this, and it isn’t crazy, and YOU aren’t crazy. It is called passive aggressive disorder. Many of us have heard that term but didn’t know what it was. Now you do. The next question is this: what can you do about it?
Nothing. Really.Nothing. It isn’t yours to fix dear Bombshell, it’s his. You can tell him that it hurts you deeply and ask him to please get some counseling for it, or you can stand idly by and accept that the truest longings of your heart will never be fulfilled with this man. Hopefully your Paul will have the courage to get help with this so that you can have an amazing relationship that you and he BOTH long to have. If not, remove your rose colored glasses and please consider what your future with him looks like. This condition does not go away on its own…and even worse, is very easily passed on from generation to generation. If he does not get healing, you and your children’s emotional health is at stake. And mark my words dear Bombshell…as he gets older the stuffed, unexpressed anger that leads him to shut down gets more intense and your pain and loneliness even greater. If it is evident that he is not willing to change then consider what it would take to get your own life back to Bombshell…even if that means blessing him and leaving to start a new life without the drama. So my dear Bombshell, welcome to Crazytown!! Is this REALLY where you want to live? XOXO Gigi Belmonico
p.s.If you have endured this or know someone that has, please write! I want to hear your story. If it is private and you want to share with me, write to me at gigi@gigibelmonico.com and I will keep your confidences…you have my Bombshell word. If you want to share publicly, please do…just hit comment! Bombshells, we are here for each other. Bombshells stick together!! XOXO Gigi